evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
