I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need to calm my uterus...
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