just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
