So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
