Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
