When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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