oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
