"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
