Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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