After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
