My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
