You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
