why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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