Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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