no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
