I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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