I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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