I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
