3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
