i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
