You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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