I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
