oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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