I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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