You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
