Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
wow bdsm is so cute
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
