Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
