Got a toothbrush?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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