but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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