$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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