he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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