Is it because I queefed?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
