And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
