im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
