Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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