If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
