i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
