My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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