I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
