it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
