just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
