Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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