I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
