my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize