last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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