We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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