Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
