My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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