I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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