my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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