Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
