Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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