am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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