just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just found puke in my bra..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize