it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Come on in and take your pants off
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
