He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
two words...techno handjob
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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