I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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