You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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