a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
