Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
