I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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