Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
