And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
