He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
