I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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