i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
