Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
