I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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