their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
